Thursday, 31 July 2014

Nairobi: My City, My Town

Get a closer look at Kenya's capital city, Nairobi. Some call it Africa, I proudly call it home - My City, My Town

Overview of Nairobi

Lovely view of Nairobi

Amazing Nairobi

Beautiful cloudy Nairobi
Incredible Nairobi

The City in the Sun

It may not be as glamorous as your city, but I'm still proudly Nairobian. 

Photos Courtesy of @KenyaPics

Monday, 28 July 2014

8 Women Christian Men Should Never Marry - By J. Lee Grady

Have you prayerfully considered these
characteristics when choosing a
potential marriage partner? (
These are the women I tell my spiritual sons to avoid:

1. The unbeliever. In last week’s column, I reminded women that the Bible is absolutely clear on this point: Christians should not marry unbelievers. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). Apart from your decision to follow Christ, marriage is the single most important decision you will ever make. Don’t blow it by ignoring the obvious. You need a wife who loves Jesus more than she loves you. Put spiritual maturity at the top of your list of qualities you want in a wife.

2. The material girl. One young friend of mine was engaged to a girl from a rich family. He saved up money for months to buy a ring, but when he proposed she told him he needed to go back to the jewelry store to buy a bigger diamond. She pushed her fiance to go into debt for a ring that fit her expectations. She wanted a Tiffany’s lifestyle on his Wal-Mart budget. I warned my friend that he was stepping into serious trouble. Unless you want to live in debt for the rest of your life, do not marry a girl who has dollar signs in her eyes and eight credit cards in her Gucci purse.

3. The diva. Some macho guys like to throw their weight around and pretend they are superior to women. Divas are the female version of this nightmare. They think the world revolves around them, and they don’t think twice about hurting somebody else to prove their point. Their words are harsh and their finger-snapping demands are unreasonable. Some of these women might end up in leadership positions at church, but don’t be fooled by their super-spiritual talk. Real leaders are humble. If you don’t see Christlike humility in the woman you are dating, back away from her and keep looking.

4. The Delilah. Remember Samson? He was anointed by God with superhuman strength, but he lost his power when a seductive woman figured out his secret and gave her man the world’s most famous haircut. Like Delilah, a woman who hasn’t yielded her sexuality to God will blind you with her charms, break your heart and snip your anointing off. If the “Christian” woman you met at church dresses provocatively, flirts with other guys, posts sexually inappropriate comments on Facebook or tells you she’s OK with sex before marriage, get out of that relationship before she traps you.

5. The contentious woman. A young man told me recently that he dated a girl who had serious resentment in her heart because of past hurts. “Before I would propose, I told my fiancee she had to deal with this,” he explained. “It would have been a deal-breaker, but there was a powerful breakthrough and now we are engaged.” This guy realized that unresolved bitterness can ruin a marriage. Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” If the woman you are dating is seething with anger and unforgiveness, your life together will be ruined by arguing, door-slamming and endless drama. Insist that she get prayer and counseling.

6. The controller. Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, and the only way it works is when both husband and wife practice mutual submission according to Ephesians 5:21. Just as some guys think they can run a marriage like a dictatorship, some women try to manipulate decisions to get their way. This is why premarital counseling is so important! You don’t want to wait until you’ve been married for two weeks to find out that your wife doesn’t trust you and wants to call all the shots.

7. The mama’s girl. It’s normal for a new wife to call her mom regularly for advice and support. It is not normal for her to talk to her mother five times a day about every detail of her marriage, including her sex life. That’s weird. Yet I have counseled guys whose wives allowed their mothers (or fathers) total control of their marriages. Genesis 2:24 says a man is to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. Parents should stay in the background of their children’s marriages. If your girlfriend hasn’t cut the apron strings, proceed with caution.

8. The addict. So many people in the church today have not been properly discipled. Many still struggle with various types of addictions—to alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription medicines or pornography—either because we don’t confront these sins from the pulpit or we don’t offer enough compassionate support to strugglers. Jesus can completely set a person free from these habits, but you don’t want to wait until you’re married to find out your wife isn’t sober. You may still be called to be married, but it is not wise to tie the knot until your girlfriend faces her issues head-on.

Your best rule to follow in choosing a wife is found in Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Look past the outward qualities that the world says are important, and look at the heart.

To get the other side of this story, read 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry.

Sunday, 27 July 2014

In a relationship, a man is as faithful as his options

Courtesy of
For the last two weeks, I have unwillingly found myself into situations where I had to make a decision to either remain faithful or cheat on my girlfriend. Those series of experiences are what has inspired this article. For starters: this article is not about justifying or glorifying why men cheat or why they should cheat. Let's be clear about that. It's about sharing how some good men out there are really struggling to be faithful, despite enormous challenges around them.

I met Stacy (not her real name) slightly over a month ago. She's an awesome and bubbly lady, full of life and a simply irresistible personality and sex appeal. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Stacy. She's exactly what Maxi Priest sang about in the Art of Seduction song: She's got a sex appeal beyond imagination, and she knows how to use it to get what she wants. Using her body and emotion, and she's using it well... she makes me want to want her... In addition, Stacy is very beautiful, has a great career and has pretty much everything going for her. You know, she has invested mostly in land and real estate in Nairobi, and seems to live quite the good life, Well, she has everything good going for her, except for a man. She describes herself as very single and available.

I made it clear to her in our first meeting that I was in a serious committed relationship, albeit a long distance one. To my surprise, my being in a committed relationship didn't mean much to her. In fact, she went as far as to let me know that my relationship status was a private arrangement between me and my girlfriend, and didn't mean anything to her. In other words, she was fine with me cheating on my girlfriend with her, as long as I knew how to juggle the two of them.

To be honest, I kind of ignored her, innocently assuming that it was just some little cheap jokes she was making. But ooh boy! I sure was mistaken. Over the preceding days, it began to get apparent that Stacy interest in me was more than just casual acquaintance. From the nature of her communications and flirting, I was able to determine that she didn't just want sex. She wanted a relationship, and eventually marriage. I asked her plainly why she was making moves at me and yet she knew I was in a serious committed relationship. Daggie, I'm just giving you options. It's up to you to choose. Her answer shocked me. So, you don't mind me sleeping with you and my girlfriend at the same time? I had curiously asked. Of course not, why should I mind when I know I stand a 50/50 chance of you choosing me? Came the calm reply.

Let me be honest. For a moment, I was tempted to actually consider Stacy's preposition. It not only sounded innocent and cool, but exciting and sexually rewarding as well. I mean, who wouldn't want two beautiful women for the price of one? Frankly speaking, it took effort, maturity, and the grace of God for me to plainly turn Stacy's offer down. While my body was all up for it at anytime and anywhere, my spirit however was unwilling to betray my trust and commitment to my girlfriend. That's when it hit me, with the many Stacy's roaming around town, how many men can sincerely resist them?

I remember, a lady friend telling me a while back that no man is single, you either snatch him from someone or share him with someone... what matters is that you are the highest shareholder. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the modern dating and marriage institution, where your commitment and fidelity is measured in terms of shares and shareholding.

My parting message to fellow men: I know with the many Stacy's hovering around it's extremely hard to remain faithful to your woman. Nonetheless, I also know that it's very possible to be faithful. Two things I learnt from my Stacy experience: avoid her at all cost. I know she will hunt you down, offer to cook, clean and do anything for you as a way of seducing you. She will dress provocatively, flirt with you and pretty much push all your faithful buttons till you give in. But be steadfast. Let your NO mean NO. Don't entertain her, and don't give her room to manipulate or play around with your feelings and emotions. More importantly, pray to God about it and depend on God's grace to save and deliver you. He is our only refuge, Shepherd and deliverer. Remember, sometimes, my mama used to say, the devil comes in high heels, little pretty dress and a killer make-up, and only Jesus can save you my son.

My parting message to women: Whether you like it or not, your man will meet the many Stacy's on a daily basis. You can diligently be the best woman in his life: stand by him, fight with him, or you can simply let Stacy become one of the shareholders in your relationship. The choice, is yours as much as it's his.

Friday, 25 July 2014

10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry - By J. Lee Grady

Don't be impatient when choosing
a helpmate. God has the right
one for you (iStock)
My wife and I raised four daughters - without shotguns in the house! - and three of them have already married. We love our sons-in-law, and it’s obvious God handpicked each of them to match our daughters’ temperaments and personality. I have always believed God is in the matchmaking business. If He can do it for my daughters, He can do it for you.

Today I have several single female friends who would very much like to find the right guy. Some tell me the pickings are slim at their church, so they have ventured into the world of online dating. Others have thrown up their hands in despair, wondering if there are any decent Christian guys left anywhere. They’ve begun to wonder if they should lower their standards in order to find a mate.

My advice stands: Don't settle for less than God's best. Too many Christian women today have ended up with an Ishmael because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. Please take my fatherly advice: You are much better off single than with the wrong guy! Speaking of “wrong guys,” here are the top 10 men you should avoid when looking for a husband:

1. The unbeliever. Please write 2 Corinthians 6:14 on a Post-it note and tack it on your computer at work. It says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated religious rule. It is the Word of God for you today.

Don’t allow a man’s charm, looks or financial success (or his willingness to go to church with you) push you to compromise what you know is right. “Missionary dating” is never a wise strategy. If the guy is not a born-again Christian, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you. I’ve yet to meet a Christian woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.

2. The liar. If you discover that the man you are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit. Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception.

3. The playboy. I wish I could say that if you meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding.

4. The deadbeat. There are many solid Christian men who experienced marital failure years ago. Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration, and now they want to remarry. Second marriages can be very happy. But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw. Any man who will not pay for his past mistakes or support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.

5. The addict. Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to hide their problems - but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.

6. The bum. I have a female friend who realized after she married her boyfriend that he had no plans to find steady work. He had devised a great strategy: He stayed home all day and played video games while his professional wife worked and paid all the bills. The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians, “If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either” (2 Thess. 3:10). The same rule applies here: If a man is not willing to work, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.

7. The narcissist. I sincerely hope you can find a guy who is handsome. But be careful: If your boyfriend spends six hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem. Do not fall for a self-absorbed guy. He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially, like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you.

8. The abuser. Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt women - verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle.

9. The man-child. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m suspicious of a guy who still lives with his parents at age 35. If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.

10. The control freak. Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority. They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you, makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression. If you are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

It's Not What You Earn That Matters - By Waceke Nduati-Omanga

You may know how to earn money. You may be in a job with a comfortable salary or own a business that can afford to pay you quite well. You may even be in a job that is financially related such as an investment adviser, accountant etc. It does not mean you know how to create wealth. Most people mistake earning a good salary or having the correct job title with being able to create wealth or worse still “being wealthy”. The two are worlds apart.

How much can you keep of what you earn? James is earning Kshs 400,000 per month as a banker. His expenses inclusive of a home mortgage and car loans he is servicing come to Kshs 350,000 per month. He is able to save Kes 50,000 per month. Muthoni, who works as a farm manager earns Kshs 50,000 per month. Her expenses are Kshs 30,000. She is able to save Ksh 20,000 per month. It may look like James is saving more but in comparison to his lifestyle he is not. He is saving only 13% of his salary whilst Muthoni saves 40%.

How fast you can grow it so that it can accumulate to something that can eventually support you? James is busy and has therefore opted to leave his money with a fund manager to place in Unit Trusts. Muthoni has decided to pool her Kshs 20,000 per month together in a Chama with 5 people. They therefore raise Kshs 100,000 per month. In three months they were able to get enough funds to lease some land and start growing tomatoes. After all expenses are paid including hiring of a manager, the project generates an income of Kshs 30,000 per month. They have decided for the next 5 years to keep retaining the money in the business, continue with their monthly contributions and acquire more land and continue growing tomatoes. With Muthoni’s expertise they expect to be earning on a conservative basis Kshs 250,000 per month by then. This means each person will be taking home Kshs 50,000 per month at that time.

The true wealth creator is Muthoni. In those 5 years, Muthoni will have put aside a total of Kshs 1.2 million as her contribution into the project in 5 years. She will then start making Kshs 50,000 (which she can actually live on) per month and will have recouped her investment in two years. After that her project will be giving her income as long as it is still ongoing. James, despite his commercial know how of finance has not made use of it for his own benefit but has instead taken a very passive approach to his personal investments. Even if his investments were to give him 15% return per annum, in 5 years he would accumulate Kshs 4.5 million. Based on his lifestyle he would only be able to survive for about a year on this. It is not generating an income for him so he still needs to keep pouring in more and more money which will take longer for it to work for him.

Remember it is never what you earn but what you can push yourself to do with it. A little can do a lot and there is always somewhere to start.

By Waceke Nduati- Omanga. Waceke runs a programme on personal financial management. Find her at | twitter @centonomy

Monday, 21 July 2014

Up, Close & Candid with Douglas Waudo

Douglas Waudo opens up about his childhood, education, relationship and his passion in life. Click on the photo below to watch the video. 
 Up, Close & Candid with Douglas Waudo

Thursday, 17 July 2014

A MUST READ FOR SINGLE WOMEN: 9 reasons (you may not know) why Christian single ladies can't find their Boaz, David or Joseph - By Tobi Atte

To all my single sisters and brothers, I strongly recommend that you take a few minutes and read this article. It's a long read, but trust me, it will be worth your while. It's always my pleasure to share articles that will enrich and edify our lives wholistically. As you read this, my prayer is that God will help you find a loving partner who will respect you, appreciate your worth and has the fear of God in their lives. 

I’ve gotten a lot of one-on-one questions about this from BOTH MEN AND WOMEN and I figured it was time to write about it. Before I write another line though, it’s important that I say a few things and get some things out of the way.
A. This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge.
B. A woman’s relationship status does not define her, so being single is not a disease or an indication of something “wrong” with her. So this article is not to list a bunch of reasons why you are at fault for not being married …as if marriage was something you just bought at the store. I wouldn’t do that. I respect and care about women’s issues more than there is space to write about here. As a daughter of God, he is working out your story beautifully, so bask in that. This is however, for Christian ladies who are ready for marriage but frustrated that they can’t find the right guy even though there seems to be options.
C. I write this respectfully but I will write it as honestly as possible as a man and as someone who knows a thing or two about relationships. I’ll tell you probably like no one has told you before. So the tone may be a bit direct not because I am brash but because I am writing to Women not girls and one thing I know about women is that contrary to the opinion that they want you to beat around the bush, when it comes to things that are really important, they want you to tell them like it is. They would rather know now, shed a tear or two and start working ASAP to move out, move up, move on or move forward so they don’t waste more time doing the same thing and not getting the outcomes they want.
D. All your single girlfriends AND male friends should read this.
So here we go.  Why can’t our wonderful Christian sisters find their Boaz, David or Joseph?
1. Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue:  Think about that for a moment. Think through the Bible…all the great men that had relationships with God and who he used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know; Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.
These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine? Abraham calling sister Sarah aside after church and saying “Errrmmm Sarah you know I love you right? Soooo God wants to take us somewhere …but I have no idea where. Wanna marry me and come?”
David too. “Look baby…I really care about you and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you… In fact, I’ve just been anointed King…buuutttt I’m kinda living in the bushes right now and on the run from the King I’m supposed to replace.”
Or Joseph. “Look Jill, God has shown me many dreams that people will bow down to me and I’ll be a great leader. But right now I wash dishes in Potiphar’s house and I’m a slave boy there." God’s men don’t “always” have a direction or know the details. So stop looking for men who have it all figured out!
Here is the solution though… is the good news. Here is what you SHOULD be looking for:  Men who can be LED by God. (Rom 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best laid plans. Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner.
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man may not know exactly where he is going but he knows how to follow God.
2. Many ladies approach relationships from the perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”: Meaning, they want to get the absolute best man with the least amount of risk. (And I’m not just talking about finances here)They don’t want to put themselves out there at all.
They want the man to take ALL the risks…to be utterly convinced he wants to be with them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are…You act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation. He doesn’t know anything about your background but you turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you. You are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but you want a man who knows how to make and keep money. You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it needs to be  but you want a demon chasing, tongue speaking, Bible spitting warrior of a husband…because “he is the leader of the home”.
You’ve dated a bunch of losers that didn’t work out but he is no good because he has had several failed relationships too? You want to see him as he is but you cover yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push up bras, makeup and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really are. You are lazy with not much follow-through but you want a man who can stay up all night working on a project. If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut?
In essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life utterly figured out…
But I have met many great men who haven’t found the employment they have the potential to get. I have met many others who were living it up until the economy crashed.  I have met some who had it all but God insisted they give it up to go and further the gospel.
If you want a Boaz, David or Joseph, you're going to have to be ok not having everything perfectly figured out.
3. Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values: Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.
One of the first things we learn about Ruth for example, was her work ethic. ( Ruth chapter 2). She knew how to pull her hair back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well established guy with the sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working. She took the break that he offered her and went back to work.
That’s how you earn a man’s respect…when you can show him that what he HAS does not define who you are. Here is the icing on that cake. Just because Ruth could get down and work, didn’t mean she couldn’t look pretty and tidy up (Ruth 3:3)
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows it takes a lot more than butterflies and date nights to fulfil God's mandate for his family.
4. Many ladies pre-qualify their leads: This is one of the most CRITICAL reasons. Many of us meet people all the time but we pre-qualify them prematurely. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that our behavior towards them becomes disrespectful and we throw courtesy out of the window. It’s like we are saying, “If you are not dating/marriage material, then you don’t deserve my courtesy and respect as a person." 
If you are a lady, think about the last 10 guys that showed an interest in you, but you were not interested in. Did they walk away from that situation with their dignity intact? Or did you make the situation awkward for them? Did you use them to pump yourself up with your girlfriend as you flashed her the “please save me from Godzilla” look? Did they walk away kind of embarrassed? Did they walk away saying wow “I’ll never do that again” Or did they walk away feeling like “wow the world is full of great…classy women?
Sometimes, in fact many times, the person who can add the most value to your life doesn't look or sound like the profile you had in mind. 
You may not have realized it until now but you may be “that girl” or “that guy” that tears down people because you think they are a bother to your “royal eminence” simply because they were not your type or they didn’t “meet your standards”.
I hear ladies all the time saying things like “It’s so frustrating to be approached by all these guys that I have no interest in”. Does all this mean you shouldn’t have standards? NO. Does this mean that everybody you meet is a prospect? Probably not. You should have standards and you should have a good idea of what you want. There is nothing wrong with that.
The problem comes when you leave a trail of rudeness, lack of courtesy, shattered confidence, seeds of anger, broken self-images, and disrespect along the way. The problem is sowing negative seeds in the hearts of people (about themselves and the opposite sex) as they come in contact with you.
5. Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either: Yea ladies…men are understanding their worth a bit more too.Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards purpose or derail him.
They are praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing that a wife can make or break a man.Yes they are praying for a Ruth but they are also praying against Delilah as well.
The Boaz, David and Joseph kind of man knows his worth too.
6. Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men: A few years ago, an older friend (a number of years older than me) came up to me after a church program and asked me about a lady in my church. Who she was and what she was like as a person.
I didn’t stop talking for minutes. They were married about a year later. Same thing happened to Ruth. (Ruth Chapter 2 from Vs 3) Boaz came back from a trip, saw Ruth and asked his Foreman “Who is that and who does she belong to”, to which the foreman answered and gave a fantastic testimony of her character.
Here is a secret ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your girlfriends force a confession out of you? We guys don’t do that. The moment we think we are interested in you, we are telling someone and we are asking around about you….and we are asking our MALE friends/mentors. Because we know they will tell us like it is and of course won’t spread it all around church and make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty eye next Sunday. Bro code.
The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in you, he will ask other men…some who may never have approached you but who have watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you didn’t like.
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for testimonies of the woman's character.
7. Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man: That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the  perspective of the character of that woman…and you will see that those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they should be busy developing those qualities themselves. Single Christian men are reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man.
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man has read Proverbs 31 and wants her.
8. Many Christian ladies want to be married but they are not truly ready to be led: They want to marry a boyfriend but not a husband. They want only a partner but not a leader. They want an emotional prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority to God himself but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his representative in the home. What I am about to say next I say with the utmost respect to women.
Men were created to lead at home. Now, with that leadership comes accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a woman he can’t lead….and a Christian man does not want to be over anything he can’t be accountable to God about.
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man is a great servant leader like Jesus Christ... but  he is a born leader and he knows it.
9. Many young married Christian women are painting a fairytale picture of marriage to their single ladies. Many young married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married women create a fairytale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook updates, photos and so on. Is there anything wrong with that? No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage. It would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a Godly man)  and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single sisters all dreamy eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect man…waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows that the wedding is not the marriage and doesn't want to create an impression he can't maintain. 
Sisters, God has a beautiful story of love written for you. Am I saying settle? No way. But I am saying look at these men through the eyes of Christ. Get your pride out of the way. Don’t define your marital success by how well your wedding day or “lifestyle” stacks up with other women.  Most importantly, start seeing yourself as a true (not just perceived) gift from God that can bring God’s favor and blessings into your husband’s life because that’s what you are. So work to BECOME that and I truly truly wish you a love-filled, Christ centered happy marriage when it does happen.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

6 Myths That Will Destroy Your Relationship

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Relationships can be complicated and painfully. But they can also be amazing and memorable. It all boils down to our expectations, level of maturity and willingness to commit, among other things.  I believe that there are plenty of false notions about what makes a successful relationship that are not true and can end up creating unrealistic expectations, hence resulting to a failed relationship. Here are the 6 myths that if you are not careful will break your relationship: 

Myth #1: People in a relationship never fight and everything is simply perfect and luvy 
duvy. False! Everyone in happy relationships find themselves embroiled in spats now and again, which is normal and healthy because it means you're speaking up, voicing your opinion, and trying to resolve things that irk you. In fact, it's said that if you never fight in your relationship, chances are one of you is least interested or committed. People in a relationship fight, argue, and sometimes don't even speak to one another for days. It's normal and its healthy. However, if you find yourself fighting almost on a daily basis, it may be time perhaps to evaluate your expectations and focus of the relationship. 

Myth #2: People in a relationship have to share all the same interests. While it's fantastic to share some interests, most healthy relationships flourish when each party has things to enjoy that their partner might not. Not only does this provide necessary time apart, but it also opens the door for each of you to potentially teach the other about things you are into. If you are feeling like you and your partner really don't share any commonalities, try choosing one thing to unequivocally do together, like hiking, traveling, volunteering in a children's home, participating in church activities etc. 

Myth #3: People in a relationship have sex constantly (and it's always amazing!). I am sure you probably are smiling sarcastically right now. Well, the truth is people in a relationship aren't always bumping and grinding at any opportunity they get. Sometimes sex in a relationship isn't always great. Orgasms don't just magically happen. There are moments when things down southern tropical experience a global financial crisis. But then again, if you are constantly unhappy with the trip to paradise, perhaps it's time to have a chat with your partner on how to spice things up. Remember your partner isn't a mind-reader, if you have something bothering you - speak up. 

Myth #4: People in a relationship have to simply adore each other's families and friends. You don't have to kiss ass. Though it doesn't meant that you have to be disrespectful, all nasty and bitchy. If something legitimately bothers you (his mother is always all about digging in your business), talk openly to your partner about the problem, instead of going all Naija movie on them (you know, placing your hands on your waist and giving them a Hitler-like don't mess with me speech). 

Myth #5: People in a relationship have to follow a typical life pattern. We all know that, typically, the pattern goes: dating, moving in, getting engaged, getting married, having a kid, buying a home, having another kid, and so on. While that's obviously wonderful, not every happy couple follows that life path. Sweetheart, don't live miserably trying to follow other's pattern of life. Agree with your partner on what works for both of you. It's your life baby, rock it the way it pleases you. 

Myth #6: People in a relationship never have to work at it. Most people get into relationships believing the myth that a relationship is a beautiful thing full of all the things they have always longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that any relationship at the start is equivalent to an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in a relationship. Love is in people, and people put love in a relationship. There is no romance in a relationship. You have to infuse it in your relationship. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of doing things that will keep the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the relationship box will be empty. So, instead of looking for greener pastures every time something goes wrong in a relationship, learn to water and care for it, for it to blossom and flourish. 

Monday, 14 July 2014

27 things the FIFA World Cup has taught me about life, money & sex

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It finally came to an end yesterday. And goodness gracious me, has the last one month been a roller coaster of adrenaline characterised by unbridled emotions, joy, disappointment, upsets and hope. We saw the mighty fall, heroes made, losers cry and victors crowned. As for me, I entertainingly followed each match, though I was quick to keep my words short and sweet, lest I was made to eat them. Well, besides the comments, expert opinions, bets, tears and joy, this World Cup has taught me the following things about life, money and sex:
  1. Pleasing everybody is never a responsibility. If they like you for who you are, good. If not, that's their problem not yours.
  2. A perfect relationship isn't actually perfect at all. It consists of two people who never give up on each other despite any hurt or pain. 
  3. Maturing is realising how many things don't necessarily require your comment or opinion.
  4. Intelligent people are more likely to avoid conflict, which explains why some people notice everything but choose to say nothing.
  5. Don't play with someone's feelings, just because you are unsure of your own. 
  6. You can't change how people feel or think about you, so don't try. Just live your life and be happy.
  7. The greatest gift you could ever give someone is your time, because you are giving the portion of your life you can never get back.
  8. Don't always listen to older people because even fools grow old. 
  9. When a son raises his hands to slaps a father; the father is blamed for raising a son who raised his hands against his father. In other words, sometimes in life people will blame you for shit you have no idea about. Get over it, choose to be happy no matter what. 
  10. People will always throw stones in your path. It depends on you and what you make with them. You can either build a wall or bridge. Remember you are the architect of your own life. 
  11. Men, you know nothing about your woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
  12. A relationship is like a house. When a light bulb burns out, you don't go and buy a new house. You simply fix the light bulb.
  13. If she makes you to celebrate your one week anniversary of being together, run for your life.
  14. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob in your mouth also turns to the left.
  15. The volume of your voice does not increase the validity of your argument.
  16. The world population is 7,810,521,683... just in case someone in your life is feeling irreplaceable. 
  17. Never trust someone who lies to you. Never lie to someone who trusts you. 
  18. Good relationships, just life a good football team don't just happen. They take time, patience, a whole lot of hurt and pain, and two people who truly want to be together.
  19. Sometimes you have to give up someone you want for someone you need.
  20. Pride will make you strong, but not happy.
  21. Your Ex asking you to be friends after a break up is like kidnappers asking you to "keep in touch" after letting you go.
  22. 10% of conflicts, especially in relationships are due to difference in opinion and 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
  23. Be selective in your battles. Sometimes peace is better than being right. 
  24. Cry as hard as you want to. But always make sure when you stop crying, you will never cry for the same reason again.
  25. Be arrogant enough to finish what you start, but humble enough to accept criticism and advice during the journey.
  26. Being happy isn't always about money. Don't be too poor until all you have is money and finally, 
  27. Women fall in love by what they hear, while men fall in love by what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie. 

Friday, 11 July 2014

3 Things You Need to Know About Financial Freedom & Wealth Creation

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Personal financial management, wealth creation, savings and investment, and pretty much the subject about money is not something you frequently hear, particularly in the African context. In our upbringing, at least for most of us, money just like sex education, was almost a taboo topic. In fact, I dare say that some of us grew up knowing that people from 'our community' were never good stewards of money, and that its only people from that 'other community' who knew how to manage money and create wealth. Therefore, from a cultural perspective we were condemned from childhood in a cycle of poverty and negative attitude to money.

Worse still, our education system never taught us about personal financial management or wealth creation. And if it did, it only added to our confusion and ignorance on the issue of money. Unfortunately, for some of us, even our religion preached against money and wealth creation. It told us that money and wealth was evil. Consequently, most of us grew up absolutely ignorant or with very little knowledge and information on how to manage money or create wealth. We, therefore grew up completely clueless, unprepared and ignorant on how to manage money.
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As a result, most of us, including myself have over the years learned the hard way on how to manage our finances and create wealth. We have been caught up in a perpetual cycle of debts and hardly making ends meet with our monthly salaries. The little we earn, we don't know how to increase it. The only language we know about money is spend, borrow, spend, borrow, spend and borrow. However, if you have been struggling with your finances for years like I have, here are 3 things I have learned over the past one year that I strongly believe are the basic foundation for anyone planning to experience personal financial freedom:

1. Change your mindset on how you view money. This may sound as cliché but the truth is - what stands between you and financial freedom is your attitude towards money. The first step towards financial freedom and wealth creation begins with how you view money. Remember you can't solve a problem with the same mindset that created it. You are where you are today financially because that's where you have chosen to be. Start having a relationship with money. In other words, get to know and understand anything there's possibly to know and understand about money: what is money, how to make it, how it works, how it grows, how to keep it. Take time to study the lifestyle of rich people; learn from their experiences, mistakes and achievements. 
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Remember, God in his wisdom has already given you resources to create wealth. This are your skills and experience, opportunities and networks. Therefore, you really don't have to look further away from yourself. Do you love cooking? Why not make money while at it? Do you love writing? How come you are not making money out of it? Do you love music, dancing, farming, driving, fashion and the list goes on - so why not use these skills, opportunities and people around you to create wealth? Remember your goals and dreams can only be realised when you begin implementing them. And don't wait till you have a million dollars to start doing it. Start small. Start where you are. Before opening up that big restaurant you have always dreamt of opening, begin selling cup cakes in your office or neighbourhood. Remember you can't climb a ladder from the top. 

2. Take charge of your finances through personal financial planning. Financial planning is the process of planning your spending, financing, and investing to optimise your financial situation. Its a roadmap that highlights the destination and makes the best use of your resources to achieve your financial goal. Having a financial plan enables you to make informed everyday financial decisions. It helps you regulate your spending and expenses as well as prioritise your savings and investment opportunities. If you don't have a vision, you will end up working for someone who has.
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Remember wealth creation is never done in disorder. You can't be jumping from one investment to another. Don't go with the hype: today its quail farming, tomorrow its buying a plot because all your friends are doing so. Invest with a plan. Also spend your money wisely. Do you buy things such as a car, clothes, gadgets, or do you live in a neighbourhood you can hardly afford the rent just to show off? Financial planning helps you to anticipate your expenses. For instance, if you have chldren, you know very well when schools are opening and of course you will need to pay their school fees. So, why do you always treat paying of school fees as an emergency? Same thing applies to paying rent, car insurance, car service, and all your regular expenses.

3. Understand the relationship of time value of money. Understand that the value of money changes over time. Money grows over time when you receive a return on investment. Understanding the concept of inflation - this is the overall increase of value in goods and services over time - is crucial in personal financial management and wealth creation. This is because inflation will affect your expenses, savings and investment in future. For example, if you spend Kshs 100,000 per month today and the inflation rate is 15% per annum. Your approximate monthly cost in 10 years will be Kshs 405,000. Therefore, in order to sustain your current lifestyle in 10 years, you need to increase your income.
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So, I ask you, how valuable is your time? Do you spend your time creating wealth to sustain your future, or are you wasting it away? Do you spend your weekend watching Scandal Season 3 or nursing hangovers, while your peers are busy selling chapati in the neighbourhood or undergoing financial management courses to increase their knowledge, yet you dream of being successful as they are? If you loose your job today, do you have any other income generation activity that can sustain your current lifestyle? If you loose your job today, will you be forced to relocate upcountry or move in with your parents or friends? Are your friends adding any value in your life?

NOTE: For more information and insight, be sure to watch my open talk on personal financial freedom and wealth creation by clicking this link. 

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Kenyan women, this is why you’re still single - By Susan Kikuvi

Illustrations / Joseph Ngari
I am still amazed at the number of women who turned up at that famous crusade by the Nigerian pastor (I forget his name) who had promised single Kenyan women “husbands, pap.”

At the risk of turning my fellow Kenyan women against me, let me say that if I were a Kenyan man, I would find it difficult to find a woman to marry.

The first reason is that what you see is often not what you get. Take all that fake hair we stick on our heads, for instance. Some of these weaves are simply ridiculous. I have always wondered why the wearers do not see this. My fellow women, Kenyan men detest weaves; just take a moment and listen to their conversations.

If I were a man, the next thing I would campaign against is the comical make-up women insist on wearing. Applying make-up is an art. You do not just wake up one day and slap on foundation, eye shadow, and lipstick, then step out of the house. Yes, people will look at you, but not out of admiration; rather, out of shock. I say make-up is not the problem; the wearer is.

While at it, why shave your perfectly fine eye brows only to draw them back in?

I also have a big problem with the so-called modern woman’s wardrobe. If you asked me, all skinny jeans and tights should be set ablaze, including bare-back tops, spaghetti tops, and fishnet stockings. You would unanimously support me if you have seen a plus-size woman, and I am being diplomatic here, dressed in a very short skirt paired with fishnet stockings and tottering high heels, finished off with heavy make-up and a humongous wig.

If I were a man, this is certainly not the kind of woman I would take to my mother — she would probably get a heart attack when she sets eyes on her. What about those extra-tight jeans that leave your “tyres” all exposed to the world?

Women, please, underwear is called that for a reason. It is not supposed to be seen, yet you think exposing yours is sexy. No, it is tacky, classless, and off-putting.

If I were a Kenyan man, I also would not marry a woman who smokes or fakes her accent. Smoking just does not suit women, and there is nothing as irritating as a fake accent. Just be yourself. Hey, I forgot something very important: If I were a Kenyan man, my wife would have to know how to cook a decent meal. If you cannot make ugali, you will be a hard sale.

If I were a Kenyan man, I would flatly refuse to eat those takeaway meals sold in supermarkets. I would want some real food cooked by my wife. When I talk about real food, I do not mean boiled rice, anyone can boil rice - I mean mukimo, traditional vegetables, kienyeji chicken made with fresh herbs, and other healthy and wholesome foods.

The breads, bacons, and sausages we are used to nowadays are what is making us obese. I would, therefore, want a woman who would be as health-conscious as my mother and serve me arrow roots, sweet potatoes, boiled maize, and cassava for breakfast.

My fellow women, if you changed a few of your bad habits, I promise you that you would not have a problem finding a man to marry, neither would you need someone to pray for you to get one.

Look at it this way: When you go shopping for clothes, you would never buy something that is torn, or one that shows signs that it has seen better days. You will buy something that looks attractive, something that will turn heads for the right reasons.

Similarly, when you go to the supermarket, you are likely to go for the most attractively packaged stuff. If you, therefore, puff like a chimney, drink men under the table, and walk around showing your underwear, then dear woman, you are likely to remain single for a long time, if not forever. 

By Susan Kikuvi