Friday, 29 August 2014

Ladies, 10 Signs to Know He's a Good Man - By Lyz Wainaina

Lyz Wainaina
The debate continues to roar as to what defines a good man and what doesn’t. Nowadays, many ladies believe he’s good enough if he can cater for your needs and make you comfortable. They say forget about the fact that he’s cheated, if he can afford your expenses he’s good enough.

Ladies, it's great to have a man who has a good job and is financially stable, but by no means should that be the deciding factor on whether he’s a GOOD man or not. Well, in case you have been wondering, here's some of the ways to know he's a good man.

1. He's faithful and committed to you. A good man doesn't play games of cheating on you. He's mature, principled and focused to your relationship. He doesn't treat you as an option, or someone he's doing a favour being in a relationship with. His words and actions affirm without a shadow of a doubt his commitment and love to you. Ladies, I know this kind of men are few to find, but it doesn't mean they don't exist.

2. He treats women with respect: No woman wants an arrogant, proud and disrespectful man. If a man respects women in general, it's a good sign that he will show you the same respect.

3. He’s honest and trustworthy: By all account, he may not be Angel Gabriel pulled right from the pages of the Old Testament, but ladies, there’s something to be said about an honest man. Show me an honest and trustworthy man and I will show you a good man. 

4. He keeps his word with you: Forget about the loud mouths who only talk big but do nothing. A really good sign of a good man is he keeps his word with you. If he says he going to do something he does it because disappointing you is the last thing he wants to do. Ladies, if you meet such a man, hang on to him because they are few to find. 

5. He spends quality time with you: If a man truly loves you, he will create time for you - don't get it twisted, it's that simple my dear. However, if he's always busy, always rushing somewhere, always chasing something and keeps standing you up, sweetheart, that's a red flag right there. Quality time is VERY important for a healthy relationship. If a man loves being with you and spending quality time, that’s a great sign.

6. He shows you how he feels: Ever heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words”? that’s one of the truest sayings in the world. Anyone can say “I love you” or “I care about you” but the question is…. do they show it?

7. He listens to you: Listening is one of the most underrated qualities. It’s annoying when a man over talks me or constantly cuts me off or just seems uninterested in what I have to say. When a man listens to you and hears what you are saying, it shows what you have to say matters to him.

8. He respects you: When a man respects you, it shows in every way, the way he speaks to you, the way he speaks about you to others, little things he does like opening the door, calling you just to check on you, constantly complimenting you... etc. 

9. When you have a bad day he tries to make it better: When you are having one of those not-so-good days, he tries to put a smile on your face or make you laugh because seeing you sad hurts him. And finally...

10. He accepts you for who YOU are: Sometime men will get with a woman and then start requesting changes. “stop wearing so much makeup” or “stop hanging up with your friends" or better still "why are you wearing that outfit”.. a good guys loves and accepts you just the way you are. 

Thursday, 21 August 2014

10 Pieces of Advice Every Woman Needs to Hear

Your worth is not defined by what others think of you. You may be trash according to them, but you are priceless to God. You need to develop tunnel vision to your purpose. Once you develop that, No one can stand in the way of your vision. It’s too important.
Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right. Never feel the need to “fit in”. As Christians, we have an obligation to stand out from the rest of the world. When you don’t know what to do it might seem like a good idea to do the same thing everyone else is doing. After all, if everyone else is doing it, It can’t be that bad, right? WRONG!
Tough times are only temporary. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light. No matter how difficult the situation is, keep pushing forward in Faith and remind yourself that troubles don’t last always and tough times are only temporary.
Attitude is everything. I can’t stress this enough. Your attitude determines the outcome of every situation in our life. You can let something break you or you can let it make you stronger. The choice is yours. “A bad attitude is like a flat tire. If you don’t change it, you’ll never go anywhere.”
Mean Girls aren’t cool. A pretty face is nothing if you have an ugly heart. There’s nothing cute about putting others down. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Respect starts with Self-Respect. It all starts with you. Respect yourself and others will have to respect you as well. In relationships, people can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. No, you can’t control the way others act, but you don’t have to tolerate it neither.
The little things are what matters the most. Sometimes we pray for material things… and that’s fine, but don’t forget the things which money can’t buy. ( your health, your family, your friends ) Happiness isn’t about getting what you want all the time. It’s about loving what you have and realizing how blessed you are to have it!
When one door closes, another one opens. …And most of the time, an even better one. God sometimes closes doors because it’s time for us to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. Just know that God will restore everything you lost.
Faith makes things possible, not easy. …And Faith without works is dead. You’ve got to work hard and pray harder. Remember… anything worth having is worth working for. They’ll be days when you’ll want to give up, Don’t!
Without God you are nothing. No matter how big you get, never forget where He has brought you from. Be humble. Realize that you are blessed to have the things you have. They are gifts from God. They are not owed to you. Oh and FYI…Humble pie doesn’t taste good at all.

Monday, 18 August 2014

6 Types of Difficult People and How to Deal with Them

We all have difficult people we need to deal with in our lives on a daily basis. They may be our lovers, friends, bosses, neighbours, colleagues, siblings or so on. Whoever they are, difficult people can drive us crazy, and knowing how to deal with them is an art that needs to be mastered by everyone. Here is a list of 6 types of difficult people we all encounters almost everyday, and how to deal with them.

1. The Demanding Type. These are the little dictators. They are pushy and domineering. Its always their way or no way. They have the last word on pretty everything. 

2. The Disapproving Type. They are picky and choosy. Nothing is ever good enough for them. They are extreme perfectionist who will always find fault in anything and everything. 

3. The Deafening Type. These are the loudmouths. They control the conversation and have to be listened by all means. 

4. The Destructive Type. They are eruptive and violent. They get offended very fast and have uncontrollable anger that leads to violence. 

5. The Discontent Type. These are the touchy people with a thin skin. They constantly whine, grumble and complain. They will never be satisfied. 

6. The Demeaning Type. They are the holier-than-thou type who will make you look like trash. They are disrespectful and rude. 

How to deal with difficult people
God in his infinite wisdom realises that in life you will meet difficult people. As a result, He has given us through his word ways of dealing with difficult people. Here is how to deal with difficult people from a scriptural perspective:

  • Refuse to be offended. Proverbs 12:16 says: A foolish man is soon angry, and is hasty in expressing it; he is ever in trouble. But the prudent overlook an insult. Develop a tough skin and tender heart. 
  • Don't expect an apology and learn to forgive. Luke 23:34: Jesus said. "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing". 
  • Don't gossip them. Gossip is sharing information with someone who is not part of the solution or part of the problem. Proverbs 17:9 says: Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. 1 Peter 3:9. says: Not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.
  • Don't play their game. You can't reason with difficult people, and sure enough you can't please everyone. Matthew 22:15-18 details how Jesus refused to give into the manipulations of the Pharisees.
  • Don't cave in. God doesn't expect you to be a doormat. Set the standards for yourself. 2 Corinthians 11:16-20 says: Let no one take me for a fool... 
  • Take the high ground. Don't demean yourself. Be the mature person by always doing the right thing. Romans 12:14. 17-18; 21 says Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse... Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.

Friday, 15 August 2014

7 Deadly Sins Men Make in Relationships - By Lyz Wainaina

Lyz Wainaina
We all know how it goes; you stick it out through the tough times, you get driven crazy by each other's bad habits, and, for the most part, it seems like things are going great. Then, only moments after you burn your little black book, seemingly out of nowhere, your partner ends the relationship.

The myth that there are certain things men can do to destroy their romantic relationships is true. We all know that cheating or blowing your cash on strippers will rightly push her over the edge, but there are a few less obvious things that you may have never considered. The following is a list of things that can ruin your relationship. My advice to men: Read them, learn them, and for God's sake, put them to good use.

1. Mr. Casanova. Romantic relationships and strong marriages need the foundations of fidelity and trust. Having an affair or a sexual relationship with any person who is outside the relationship will destroy both. You cannot share your body with another and expect it to have no bearing on your romantic relationship with your spouse or partner.

2. Liar Liar. Lies destroy trust. Even a little lie about how you really look when you talk online could destroy your hopes of building a relationship when you meet. A lie to your partner or spouse means you do not trust your lover with your thoughts. Lies can be insidious and may seem harmless at first, like not telling your husband what you spent on that dress, but one lie tends to lead to another, and lies can destroy relationships.

3. Mr. I am Always Right. The blame game is about pointing the finger at your partner or spouse for every little thing that goes wrong. “I’ve caught a cold and it’s your fault for leaving the window open.” When you start every conversation with “You did xxx,” or say, “It’s your fault,” so often it becomes a habit; you will find yourself slowly destroying your relationship.

4. Mr. Married to His Work. You do need to spend time with your lover to make the relationship work. Starting work at 6am every morning, finishing at 10pm, and consistently working on weekends does not give you any time to be with your lover. Half an hour’s snatched conversation and a quick cuddle before dropping off into an exhausted sleep is not a relationship. If you want your relationship to work, you need to invest time into it.

5. Mr. Yell and Scream. When you cannot have a calm conversation with your spouse or partner without having an argument, your relationship is definitely on the path of destruction. Even when you are angry, it is important that you talk calmly to your lover rather than yell and scream at each other.

6. Tune Out. Tuning out and not listening to your lover is a sure fire way to kill your relationship. Trying to have an in depth conversation during a football game is impossible. Turn off the television and sit facing your lover to enjoy real conversation.

7. Discuss Past Mistakes. Continuously bringing up past mistakes your spouse or partner has made is not conducive to building a strong relationship for the future. Bringing up the past says you have not truly forgiven your partner for the errors. You are deliberately hurting your lover by continuing to dwell on those mistakes.

Keep Your Head Up. Remember, if you decide to be in a relationship, it calls for total commitment, tolerance, maturity and faithfulness. Avoid the 7 deadly sins and you will have an awesome, remarkable and fulfilling relationship. 

Read about the 7 Deadly Sins Women Make in Relationships

Thursday, 14 August 2014

10 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Alive

1. Be others focused: A self-centered person will seek to focus on self and not on their partner.
2. Use compliments regularly: In every relationship, spouses must learn to appreciate and affirm each other.
3. Remain faithful: Most relationships die for lack of commitment to the values that make relationships last.
4. Be approachable: Relationships thrive better in a climate where there is minimal hostility and great consideration and understanding.
5. Be present and supportive: Couples must learn to be empathetic with each other. This only happens when they decide to be there for each other, both physically and emotionally.
6. Defend each other: Commit to fight for each other and for the relationship against external aggressors.
7. Be accepting and forgiving: When trials and difficult times come, a relationship will only survive if both parties show tolerance, forgiveness and acceptance. No one is perfect.
8. Avoid role confusion: When we accept and enjoy performing our roles in the relationship, it removes confusion and stress.
9. Embrace a common vision and values: A relationship without clear values is like a ship on stormy waters.
10. Make wise investments: Each spouse must strive to discover the other’s potential strengths and weakness in order to come up with ways of growing the relationship.

Monday, 11 August 2014

7 Deadly Sins Women Make in Relationships - By Ivy Mangeli

Women have many attributes including selfless, loving, kind and even caring. But despite all these traits, women do still find a way of messing up relationships with their overactive imaginations and constant need for reassurance.  However, this is not to say men are infallible because they do contribute to failed relationships. It is apparent as women; there is a need to review the mistakes women make to correct our misgivings. Here are some personas women take on:

1. The Receiver. Everyone likes compliments, being showered with gifts, praise and adoration. But it is vital to reciprocate it. Being in a relationship means that you meet each other’s needs. As a woman, do not be afraid to pick the costs occasionally, just as long as it is not a regular occurrence. Catering to your man boosts his mood and self confidence. Make sure he knows how much you really value him.

2. The Green-eyed monster. Jealousy is something that women are very familiar with. Being possessive of your significant other is a turn off especially if it borders on paranoia. Ladies, you need to know that your man’s life does not revolve around you. Therefore, do not get jealous if he has a life apart from you. Men need their space, time to chill with the boys and recharge before they can give more of themselves to you. Give him his space. If you suffocate him, monitor all conversations he has with other women and track his whereabouts it is a sure way to terminate the relationship. Trust allows a relationship to flourish instead of stifling it with jealousy.

3. The Over analyzer. Often, taking things too seriously can make a woman miss out and it does more harm than good. Analyzing every statement uttered by the guy almost makes it seem as though he is on trial. In addition to this, women are fond of creating scenarios that in reality do not even exist. If he does not call in the evening when out with his boys doesn’t mean he is out with another woman. Sometimes, it is better to take a step back and appreciate things for what they are. Pipe down on the overactive imagination and quit making mountains out of mole hills.

4. The List maker. Educated, independent women who know what they want have their love life suffer greatly because of the lists they create.  The list contains the criteria by which they judge who is worth dating. This list can sometimes be compromised and reviewed, but later in the relationship, women try and turn the man to become the man on the list. This is not a good dating practice. Changing a man to make him fit into your “ideal man package” is wrong. Instead it is better to live in the reality that life has dealt you. Appreciate the man for his faults as well as the attributes that you first found attractive.

5. The Drama Queen. This is the woman who commands attention at all times. Constantly nagging, issuing demands and ultimatums may just cost you a good man. The drama queen may play the drum, but find no one to dance to her beat, eventually ending up sad and alone. It would be much wiser to freely and truthfully communicate with your partner, bearing in mind the appropriate time and place to avoid causing a scene. A lady should know when to bite her tongue and when to speak up.

6. The Passive aggressor. Women often expect men to know what they are thinking without actually telling them. Moreover, saying “I am fine” when something is clearly disturbing you and expecting your man to keep following up with you is equivalent to torture. Men are simple beings; they see things in 2D while women see things in 3D. So stop playing games and be honest, after all it is the best policy.

7. The “ I am never wrong”. In a relationship, things often go wrong and the blame for the most part should fall on the two individuals in the relationship. Therefore, when one incessantly points the finger at the other it may not be fair. It is good to admit you had a hand in the mess that your relationship has become. In fact, it shows that you are humble and honest which is admirable. Just ensure that you can appreciate the difference between a man’s bad behavior and the man, condemn bad behavior not the person. Remember, the relationship should be well balanced and both parties should be sincere. 

Friday, 8 August 2014

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off - Part II

Just like a fresh-minted ripe coconut waiting to succulently be devoured, she was at the peak of her beauty, wickedly voluptuous and diabolically sensual. An hour later and with a bottle of tequila added to my bill, this is pretty much what I was able to dig from her: Her name was Eve.

With the courage of witches and self-centeredness of politicians, Rukia had without even blinking gone straight to the point. She made an extra income from ‘selling’ her lady parts to the highest bidder. Due to her natural resources that had caused her value and demand to literally skyrocket, her current market price was nothing less than five digits a night. ‘Beach’, that’s a whole year subscription of sex with my old village flame, I wanted to shout back.

Having inconsistently attended Prof. Prashanth Vikram’s financial management class in South India years ago, I learned a few principles about value for money. Therefore, curiously I wanted to know what was on the menu in the event that I decide to part with an equivalent of a month’s rent for a night of sinful pleasure.

And like an intelligent Class six boy stuck in Class two for lack of school fees, Eve had calmly answered in her native tribal Mijikenda accent that the menu came with an ingredient of handcuffs, massage oil, lap dances, spanks, stripping, role-play, licking and sucking as well as candles, lots of candles. Are you offering all this in a hotel room or your place? I had asked amateurish, as she ignored and signaled the waiter, some tall skinny guy carrying frustrated scars on his chin. Well, she was hungry.

Twenty-eight minutes later, Rukia was busy eating diplomatically the perfectly grilled Mexican steak and French fries with her mouth closed. She drank sweet-red wine, caressing the glass delicately to avoid spilling on her sexy dress. She was simple without being simplistic. Her talk was methodical and her confidence disarming.

A dog, they say doesn’t need courage to chase a rat. By the time she was chewing her last piece of the steak while doing justice to the bottle of tequila, I had craftily slipped my right hand between her oily thighs, evidently to register my intention. They say, a drunkard has never been known to lack in confidence. Capitalizing on her reluctance to push my hand away, I had begun to gently and skillfully pleasure her down Southern tropical with my middle finger.

Mboya, in the meantime was busy entertaining an evil kiss from a certain daughter of Eve with spoon-bending legs and loud whore mouth. She smelled of cheap alcohol, visibly bloated and dishevelled in mismatched clothes. She had insulted her head by wearing some cheap, ugly weave that was dripping wet with either her sweat or water. A woman like this makes you realize why the gods invented darkness, low-priced weaves and inexpensive beauty products. I had wisely concluded.

As she loudly kissed and caressed the equally inebriated and horny Mboya, noticing where my hand was, Mboya had suddenly slapped me with an upside down smile smirked on his miserable face, perhaps to register his approval. Of course, I had discreetly ignored his very confusing eye sign language.

Eve wanted a 50 percent down payment as a demonstration of my seriousness and commitment. I craftily flashed a Business Card at her while gently planting a soft wet, pornographic kiss on her holmberry lips. Caught unaware with my boldness, she had stammered: You know, I usually don’t take men to my place, but I think you are special… blah blah… she had yapped as I patiently listened to her trying to justify why she needed to my promulgate my night stick.

Moments later, as we melted into darkness, I am not sure whether Mboya was wearing this damsel’s thong on his head or whether it was her bra. However, whichever the case, the last I remember of him, he was wearing something on his head as he threw around coins in ecstasy. Seriously, this guy needs to stop watching these cheap, low-budget movies. For this business of making coins rain was frankly speaking nothing more than ngoma cia arume (Kikuyu language for the madness of men), as my in-laws from Mt. Kenya would rightfully say.

Eve lived in a beautiful fully furnished apartment in Nyali, or at least that is what I thought. The most noticeable thing in her house was a big seven-seater leather sofa set, which of course was now well complimented by my presence. She appeared to live a relatively lavish lifestyle, or so I thought. As we irrigated our throats with fiery spirits while Luther Vandross was doing his thing in the background with can heaven wait, she cunningly tried to dig information out of me. What I did for a living. Whether I was married or dating, and if I had some cracked up crazy, I-broke-up-with-her-when-she-got-pregnant drama-queen bitter baby mama somewhere.

I wanted to tell her that I was very single and I lived in Nagasaki, Japan where my calling in life involved protesting about illegal whale hunting while oiling the cleavage of rich naughty independent career women. However, like an intelligent female antelope, I resolved to be dodgy in my answers while intermittently slapping her with a combined lethal body language full of sexual appeal.

Quite candidly, I have never been a man of greater conviction until Eve unveiled the mystery of human anatomy, stealthily exposing her young and tender juicy boobs impeccably glued to her ravishingly hot body. Moments later, I was selfishly devouring every loin of her tender body with equal relish, as I treated her to a perfectly executed blended, finger-licking orgasm, as she randomly shouted her Mijikenda clan names with a mixture of pain and pleasure. The say sex is like an onion, you peel while crying.  

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off - Part I

Ladies and gentlemen, gather around. I have a secret to tell. In case you have been looking for him, I got news for you – the devil lives in Florida pub along Mama Ngina Drive in Kenyan coastal's Mombasa City.

I was recently in this part of the world to pick up a juggernaut I had imported and like they say, you can't possibly be in Mombasa without visiting one of those places where the devil lives. It was a laid back Friday when I silently sneaked into Florida pub in the company of my old campus friend, who had a Government-like civil servant's name. His name was Sylvester Charles-Richard Mboya Odhiambo. Mboya, as he likes being called had moved to Mombasa decades ago from the village and no one still knew what he did for a living.

When he is sober, he claims he owns a freight company that specialises in importing side-mirrors for juggernauts from Japan. However, when he is drunk he claims working for an international shipping company. Well, investigating what Mboya did for a living was the least of my priorities. Curiously, Mboya who failed his college Diploma exams because his lecturer, Prof. Kimani couldn’t read his handwriting was a resourceful asset as far as nightlife in Mombasa was concerned. Mboya knew his Mombasa night life (read he knew where to get cheap hookers and equally simple, low-cost dingy lodges).

She was looking not more than twenty-something, dark-skinned, and slender. She was smiling sheepishly while showing off her excited nipples and playing with the trouser zip of some old odiero (read white man), old enough to be her grandfather. In the blur of the disco neon lights, our eyes had stealthily met, and precisely at that moment I knew I had met the devil himself. She had slapped me with a sinful smile as she kept caressing the poor odiero’s hairy chest as if she was looking for her oxygen cylinder in there. 
    
We sat at the balcony of the pub where the breeze from the ocean massaged our sweaty village skin. Within moments of our arrival, skimpily dressed daughters of Eve were already hovering around us like scavengers. I ordered for the devil’s bitter waters – a double Jack Daniels on the rocks - as my eyes desperately tried searching for her.

In the meantime, Mboya was ironically, yet strangely been staring at some stripper’s cleavage till I had begun to suspect that maybe he wasn’t breast-fed enough when he was a toddler. He was outwardly staring at the sweaty strippers’ cleavage so seriously as if it was the source of the air he was breathing. In fact, I had even begun toying with the noble idea of advising him to either see a televangelist for paid prayers, or visit my uncle Theophilus Shimuchira Makwakwa, a renowned self-proclaimed village sex therapist.

I knew Mboya pretty well. Probably more than he knew himself. For starters, he was only married to Susan, his miserable Taita wife because four years ago after picking her from a bar, he was too drunk to use those stealths that chase away unwanted pregnancy and evil sexual transmitted diseases. Chief, circumcision is not a guaranteed condom, I have been singing to Mboya for ages. Two months later, the pregnant Taita damsel had moved in with him. Of course she did so with the support and a lethal combination of blessings and curses from her Taita witchcraft-practicing clan.

It’s actually the fear of being bewitched and turning into a skinny malnourished coconut tree or an ugly female grasshopper that made Mboya reluctantly marry Susan without a fight. Now a frustrated father of three, living in a despondent marriage, his pursuit of happiness involved lusting sinfully after any woman carrying a low self-esteem and a miserable bank account. His justification – there is no known recorded river on earth that doesn’t have a tributary.

However, to be fair to Mboya, he was an honourable and hard-working father and husband. Only that his mind was hopelessly stuck between the legs and cleavages of cheap strippers and hookers.
    
As the night wickedly rolled on, the music was becoming louder and the pub beginning to look sinful like a scene from hell, without warning she had appeared.

They say, a dress is like a barbed fence, it protects the compound without restricting the view. Without trying too hard, this sizzling hot damsel was simplistic accessorised wearing a naughty little black dress and boy, did she look hot! To cap it all, she really had a great future behind her (read big ass) and in my inebriated condition I had convinced my mind that surely for such a beauty, obviously her bread had most certainly not been buttered (read virgin).

She momentarily looked at me as if I had died in a grisly road accident decades ago, and she has never moved on. Tell your wife you will be working very late. This is going to be a very long, long night, I had whispered to Mboya as I invitingly pulled a table for her while gently humming the chorus of the hit song Show Me by Kid Ink featuring Chris Brown. 

As she nervously sat down, I couldn’t help noticing that she had a well-stocked raved up big heart (read boobs) that were helplessly being held up by her ravishingly sexually-charged little black dress. Her smile was contagious. Her face was hypnotic, and her laughter horny-ish. In addition, she had very cute, long, nice, flowery legs. Flowery enough to make a man willingly embrace adultery. 

My mama used to say that big-legged women were going to kill me. I honestly hope mama was wrong.