Friday, 22 September 2017

My sweet Nafula

Many moons ago - while the Nyayo milk was still part of the Kenyan school curriculum - my young tender heart was flabbergasted, bara gacha'd and sinfully smitten by the beauty of a village girl who at the time I believed held the keys to my paradise. If I had my way then, I would have bestowed her with a royal exotic name: Queen of Sinyereribury, after my village's name Sinyereri. However, the gods had their way, as they always do, and slapped her with a true indigenous African botanical name - Christine Nafula Shikoti. 

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

So, what exactly did a Kikuyu or Luo do to you?

I met Mike early this year when he applied for a communications consultancy job at my organization. He was a nice chap. Down to earth. Industrious. Knowledgeable. Skilled and always dressed to impress. I liked him immediately. As a result, I gave him the Kshs 4.2 million consultancy job.

Wednesday, 23 August 2017

I know what it feels to be in hell

I am beginning to slowly figure out this thing called life. It's taken a while, but I am slowly getting there. For the most part, I have been crawling into the labyrinth of life, ignorantly and without guidance, sense of direction, purpose or focus. Its been a crazy ride defined with an abundance of tears, regrets, and most importantly, valuable lessons. 

Monday, 14 August 2017

Why God is a stranger in most churches

He spoke as if he had the monopoly of biblical knowledge, wisdom and understanding. For two hours we listened to him blather on and on about the "word of God." He was an entertaining preacher. He cracked jokes intermittently, and tried his best to be engaging and relevant. We were glued to him. So glued, that we would occasionally cheer him on with shouts of amen and hallelujah juxtaposed with raucous laughter. 

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Good Morning Haters

The following scene has played in my mind countless times. The year is AD 2040-ish. I am huko ma-fifty something years. Proudly donning white hair and a tired semi-potbelly. After years of bribing wazee with "chai", I am finally inducted as a bonafide member in the village council of elders. It's an achievement worth observing a moment of silence. 

By the wisdom of the gods, I am a father of three rascals. Though I am salivating to be a grandpa someday. It's perhaps the only thing causing me to still hang on the thread of life. My firstborn is a stylish young lady who goes with a modern botanical name on social media. She curiously carries her mother's beauty and royal elegance perfectly complemented, of course by her father's intelligence and brilliance. 

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

The Gospel of Flossing


























My father used to say that a man needs three things in life: a clever lawyer, a forgiving priest and a submissive mistress. If you ask me, I think a man needs four things in life: a forgiving wife, an extremely understanding landlord, a Bible and a humble spirit. 

Thursday, 15 June 2017

The prostitutes' disease

While top medical researchers still can’t figure out whether HIV/AIDS has a weave or horns, herbalists in my village have been treating the damn thing for years. In addition, they fix cancer, chase away the demons of joblessness, recover lost husbands, enlarge ‘manhood’, rig elections, impregnate barren women, speak to the dead and go to church.

Monday, 29 May 2017

Who will save us from these WhatsApp Groups bandwagon?

I am not going to mince words: I hate WhatsApp groups. Well, at least majority of them. I think a clause needs to be added to the Constitution about who can start a WhatsApp group, while its purpose and membership verified by a committee of experts led by the no nonsense Martha Karua, and co-chaired by Toni Braxton. Now, before you curse me in your dialect - an adventure that will cause my great ancestor Your Majesty, His Worship, The Great Nabongo Mumia to disgustingly sneeze in his grave - hear me out.

Sunday, 14 May 2017

This woman called my mother

Let’s get this out of the way. My mother, Julia Busolo Wangia Waudo, will go to heaven.

And this is why.

Friday, 12 May 2017

The Tea Boy

Its 10-ish. May 12, 2003. I have an appointment with the Station Manager at TransWorld Radio. He sounded like a military chap the previous day on the phone, while reminding me to keep time. I am a busy man, you know, he said jokingly though it sounded far from an innocent joke. 

Sunday, 16 April 2017

LEMP Season 7 Intake Ongoing


Discover how to #LiveEffectively on earth. ENROLL today for #LEMP Season 7 starting on May 6, 2017. For details, check out: https://lemp.co.ke/lemp-360/

Friday, 17 March 2017

Why I am having an affair

My father, a luhya fundamentalist carrying angry scars on his forehead - after imbibing a few shots of illicit brew - used to say that a man needed three things in life: a good doctor, a clever lawyer and a forgiving priest. The last two, I have never had need for. If you ask me, I think a man needs only two things in life: a good doctor and a happy woman. 

Friday, 10 March 2017

Launch of Living Effectively Mentorship Program (LEMP) Website

We are humbled by God's grace to announce the launch of Living Effectively Mentorship Program (LEMP) Website. LEMP is a Kenyan registered society aimed at equipping individuals to discover their purpose and maximise their God-given potential to live effectively on earth as they also become agents of change. Check out the website and learn more at: www.lemp.co.ke and be sure to SPREAD THE WORD!

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Modern moms

Steve is that popular chap you shared a hostel window back in campus. He had this huge ego. It was so huge, it hardly could fit into one of those jumbo cargo planes to Ouagadougou. He was a ladies' man too. A modern casanova of sorts. You loved hanging around him because through him you got access to pretty campus divas. You had the hots for Carol, the voluptuous damsel born and raised in the wheat fields of Narok County. But Steve beat you to her. So, you coiled your tail between your un-flowery legs, and decided to concentrate on chewing books. 

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Livingstone, Zambia

Spiralling like a boss is the Zambezi, Africa's 4th longest river, with its majestic Victoria's Falls welcoming you to Livingstone, Zambia. Its one of those captivating sites that tempts you to say the Lord's Prayer in your mother tongue. Problem is, you are sitting next to this white lady who's been complaining like forever on why she can't use that loo only privileged souls in business class are entitled to. 

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Forget Kenyan Socialites and Campus Divas, My Grandma is the Real Deal

My grandma, the realest Diva in Sub-Saharan Africa. 
When my grandpa (may the gods rest his soul in eternal pleasure), married my thin-skinned luhya fundamentalist grandma at a small mud-walled dusty church in Nambacha village in Kakamega County decades ago, her clan slapped grandpa with an invoice reading four skinny cows, an ugly Zebu bull and a dozen African indigenous chickens. 

Thursday, 16 February 2017

The curse of beauty without brains

Last week, the gods decided I needed to attend one of those peace workshops in the lead up to the general election later this year. To me, it was simply same script, different cast. The scene looked like one of those pulled straight out from the pages of a rich Hollywood movie: The latest innovation in road transport (read 4x4 cruisers) pulling outside a fancy hotel at the heart of the city dropping the so-called potbellied NGOs executives. 

Inside this chandelier obsessed conference hall, whose daily charge by the way can easily catapult a typical Kenyan village out of poverty like forever, is dotted with men in well-cut Brioni suits and ladies in colourful, royal elegance Hillary Clinton power suits twenging stereotypically their NGO jargon of capacity building, milestones, indicators, outcomes, deliverables and sustainable goals. 

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Why most men don't give a crap about Valentine's Day

Call us old fashioned and unloving. In fact, feel free to even throw in the kawaida tired line of African men are the most unromantic. Perhaps it has something to do with that gem of proverbial wisdom from our Zulu ancestors that warns men not to admire a woman with beautiful breasts if you have no money. Whatever it may be, the reality is this - most men (I didn't say all) just don't give a crap about Valentine's Day, and this is why.

Saturday, 4 February 2017

This woman called my mother

Let’s get this out of the way. My mother, Julia Busolo Wangia Waudo, will go to heaven.

And this is why.

My mother from the day she was born and baptized in the murkiness of the Isukhu River has lived her earthly life doing good for the Big Guy Upstairs and sacrificing for Him. Quite frankly, I don’t see the reason why the Big Guy Upstairs wouldn’t reward her with an invitation to heaven, someday when she’s finally done working for him. In heaven, I am sure my mother will while her time away dressed in a classy, stylish and elegant white robe, while being serenaded by an orchestra of Koffi Olomide-like angels as she enjoys an endless flow of fortified holy wine.

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

My sweet Nafula


Many moons ago - while the Nyayo milk was still part of the Kenyan school curriculum - my young tender heart was flabbergasted, bara gacha'd and sinfully smitten by the beauty of a village girl who at the time I believed held the keys to my paradise. If I had my way then, I could have bestowed her with a royal exotic name like the Queen of Canterbury, or Sinyereribury. However, the gods had their way, as they always do, and slapped her with a true indigenous African botanical name - Christine Nafula Shikoti. 

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Teen Mums of Kilifi

Purity Bahati (left) and Naomi Kitsao (right) teen mothers in Kilifii County. Data from past studies show that about 13,000 girls drop out of school each year in Kenya due to pregnancy. Photo By UNFPA Kenya / Doulgas Waudo.






“He told me he loved me, and I believed him,” says Purity Bahati. Little did she know that two years later, her world would literally turn upside down.
She began a sexual relationship with her boyfriend while a pupil in one of the public schools in Mnarani, Kilifi County. He was 28 years old. She was 15. Purity became pregnant by the time she was celebrating her 17th birthday, forcing her to drop out of school. “My parents were so furious with me, and they kicked me out of home,” she says while forcing a smile, unsuccessfully.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Mentorship is your missing link to success and greatness




























Looking at the big picture
Let's face it. One day, we will all DIE. We will be lying on that cold slab. Breathless, lifeless. Finally silent. We won't be buried with the things we loved or worked so hard to possess. The most we will be buried with, if we are lucky is a fancy coffin, a designer suit or dress. And it's a wrap. DEAD, GONE, and life will go on like we were never around.