Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Modern moms

Steve is that popular chap you shared a hostel window back in campus. He had this huge ego. It was so huge, it hardly could fit into one of those jumbo cargo planes to Ouagadougou. He was a ladies' man too. A modern casanova of sorts. You loved hanging around him because through him you got access to pretty campus divas. You had the hots for Carol, the voluptuous damsel born and raised in the wheat fields of Narok County. But Steve beat you to her. So, you coiled your tail between your un-flowery legs, and decided to concentrate on chewing books. 

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Livingstone, Zambia

Spiralling like a boss is the Zambezi, Africa's 4th longest river, with its majestic Victoria's Falls welcoming you to Livingstone, Zambia. Its one of those captivating sites that tempts you to say the Lord's Prayer in your mother tongue. Problem is, you are sitting next to this white lady who's been complaining like forever on why she can't use that loo only privileged souls in business class are entitled to. 

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Forget Kenyan Socialites and Campus Divas, My Grandma is the Real Deal

My grandma, the realest Diva in Sub-Saharan Africa. 
When my grandpa (may the gods rest his soul in eternal pleasure), married my thin-skinned luhya fundamentalist grandma at a small mud-walled dusty church in Nambacha village in Kakamega County decades ago, her clan slapped grandpa with an invoice reading four skinny cows, an ugly Zebu bull and a dozen African indigenous chickens. 

Thursday, 16 February 2017

The curse of beauty without brains

Last week, the gods decided I needed to attend one of those peace workshops in the lead up to the general election later this year. To me, it was simply same script, different cast. The scene looked like one of those pulled straight out from the pages of a rich Hollywood movie: The latest innovation in road transport (read 4x4 cruisers) pulling outside a fancy hotel at the heart of the city dropping the so-called potbellied NGOs executives. 

Inside this chandelier obsessed conference hall, whose daily charge by the way can easily catapult a typical Kenyan village out of poverty like forever, is dotted with men in well-cut Brioni suits and ladies in colourful, royal elegance Hillary Clinton power suits twenging stereotypically their NGO jargon of capacity building, milestones, indicators, outcomes, deliverables and sustainable goals. 

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Why most men don't give a crap about Valentine's Day

Call us old fashioned and unloving. In fact, feel free to even throw in the kawaida tired line of African men are the most unromantic. Perhaps it has something to do with that gem of proverbial wisdom from our Zulu ancestors that warns men not to admire a woman with beautiful breasts if you have no money. Whatever it may be, the reality is this - most men (I didn't say all) just don't give a crap about Valentine's Day, and this is why.

Saturday, 4 February 2017

This woman called my mother

Let’s get this out of the way. My mother, Julia Busolo Wangia Waudo, will go to heaven.

And this is why.

My mother from the day she was born and baptized in the murkiness of the Isukhu River has lived her earthly life doing good for the Big Guy Upstairs and sacrificing for Him. Quite frankly, I don’t see the reason why the Big Guy Upstairs wouldn’t reward her with an invitation to heaven, someday when she’s finally done working for him. In heaven, I am sure my mother will while her time away dressed in a classy, stylish and elegant white robe, while being serenaded by an orchestra of Koffi Olomide-like angels as she enjoys an endless flow of fortified holy wine.